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Identifying a Wise Man

A wise man is identifiable by his consistent alignment with the truths he has internalized over time. Unlike many today who live their lives guided by worldly wisdom, which often disregards scriptural principles, a truly wise man anchors his life in reverence to God and His words. This alignment is deeply ingrained in his daily living and choices.

In a world driven by fleeting trends and shallow knowledge, a wise man stands out by his commitment to God’s truths. His wisdom is not shaped by societal whims but by the saving principles found in scripture. This steadfastness sets him apart as he lives in a manner reflecting his core values and beliefs.

One hallmark of a wise man is his desire to impart wisdom to others. True wisdom is never selfish; it seeks to enlighten and uplift those around. A wise man understands the value of the truth he possesses and feels a responsibility to share it, contributing to the betterment of his community and other men around. Living as though your world counts means recognizing that your actions and words can profoundly influence others. This awareness drives the wise man to live authentically and generously, making a positive impact on those around him.

Wisdom is not merely about speaking the truth but embodying it. The essence of a wise man is his ability to live out the truths he professes. This integrity gives his words weight and his actions credibility. It is easy to talk about principles and values, but it takes true wisdom to live them out consistently. The example that a wise man sets for others to follow is his life, which bears witness to the truths that he values.

Deciding to be wise is a conscious choice anyone can make. The word of God is a powerful source of wisdom, offering guidance and insight for those willing to seek it. Immersing oneself in scripture imparts the wisdom needed to navigate life’s complexities with grace and discernment. This divine wisdom forms the foundation upon which a wise man builds his life, ensuring that his decisions and actions align with the truth of God’s word.

The company you keep plays a significant role in shaping your wisdom. Surrounding yourself with wise and principled individuals can greatly influence your own growth in wisdom. Just as iron sharpens iron, interacting with those who value and live by truth refines your understanding and application of wisdom. Choosing your companions carefully is crucial, as they can either elevate your wisdom or lead you astray.

Furthermore, the materials you consume in media significantly impact the level of wisdom you exhibit. In an age where information is readily available, discerning what to absorb is essential. Engaging with content that promotes wisdom, truth, and integrity enhances your understanding and practice of these values. Conversely, consuming frivolous or misleading content erodes your capacity for wise living.

Ultimately, living as though the wisdom of God is upon you means making deliberate choices that reflect His principles. Strive to embody the truths of scripture in every aspect of life, from the company you keep to the media you consume. By aligning your life with these truths, you can walk the path of wisdom and inspire others to do the same. Wisdom is not an abstract concept but a tangible way of living that brings light and clarity to a world often clouded by confusion and falsehood. Choose to live wisely, and make your life a beacon of truth and integrity.

​​How To Love Your Woman Right

You know it was Mothers’ Day some days ago, and in the light of the love we have for them, many men sought to know how to treat their women right. Yet, amidst the plethora of advice and tips on this, one timeless truth reigns supreme: to truly love your woman right is to understand her personal rhythm and dance to its beat. Welcome to this brief journey of discovery, as we dive into the art of loving your woman with grace, authenticity, and unwavering passion. So, gentlemen, buckle up! (PS: While this really directly talks about those who are married, the singles but engaged can draw out insight to implement also)

In the amazing journey of relationships especially marriage, the love between a man and a woman is a reflection of the divine love that binds us all. As Christian men, it is our calling and privilege to love our wives in a manner that mirrors the unconditional love of Christ for His church. To love your woman right is to embark on a journey of selflessness, humility, and unwavering commitment, guided by the principles of faith and compassion.

First, loving your woman right begins with understanding and cherishing her as a precious gift from God. Each woman is fearfully and wonderfully made, endowed with unique qualities, strengths, and vulnerabilities. Take the time to truly know her, not just as your wife or woman, but as a beloved daughter of God. Embrace her individuality and celebrate the beauty of her soul, recognizing that she is a reflection of God’s grace and love in your life.

Communication lies at the heart of every meaningful relationship, and marriage is no exception. We are called to communicate with our wives in an honorable manner that reflects Christ’s love and compassion. Make time for heartfelt conversations, listening attentively to her thoughts, feelings, and concerns. Endeavor to create a safe and nurturing space where she feels valued, heard, and understood. Speak words of affirmation and encouragement, uplifting her spirit with the power of your love and support. Let your communication be seasoned with grace, kindness, and humility, as you strive to build a foundation of trust and mutual respect.

It is also essential to recognize and honor the sanctity of your wife’s emotions and needs. We are called to love our wives so much and it is expected to come with sacrifice and selflessness. You should interestingly be attuned to her emotional space, offering comfort and solace in times of distress and rejoicing in moments of joy and triumph. Cultivate empathy and compassion, walking alongside her in the highs and lows of life’s journey. Show her grace and forgiveness, as the time goes knowing that she is not perfect. Let your love be a beacon of hope and healing, illuminating her path with the light of God’s unfailing love.

Again, loving your woman right entails honoring and respecting her as an equal partner in your marriage. As a man, you should lead her with humility and servanthood, as it is obvious that at the heart of true leadership is service. Be of help as you grant her insight into her decision-making processes. Hey man! Be her staunchest advocate and fiercest supporter, championing her dreams and aspirations with unwavering devotion. Also, you should learn to treat her with dignity and respect, affirming her worth as a beloved child of God. Let your actions speak louder than words, demonstrating your love through acts of kindness, thoughtfulness, and selflessness.

Ultimately, to love your woman right is to embody the essence of Christ’s love in your marriage or premarital relationship. Let your love be a reflection of God’s boundless grace and mercy, extending forgiveness, compassion, and understanding at every turn. May your marriages and relationships be a testament that love can be so detailed, and yet simple, shining brightly as a light and inspiration to all who witness it.

And Hey! It’s Women’s History Month. Don’t just read. Go and practice!

Embrace Humility, Build Legacy

Humility is a state of being meek and low-minded. In the world, it is often referred to as “stoop to conquer.” Through humility, individuals can learn from those above and beneath them, establishing a platform for the effective absorption of virtues, influence, and impact on both ends as values are exchanged.

As men and leaders in our homes, the instructional guide is the Bible, commanding us to be humble and not to think highly of ourselves, as stated in Romans 12:3 KJV: “For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.” Every person possesses gifts in varying measures according to the grace given by God. To thrive and appreciate the diverse gifts of others, humility is essential, as even God humbles those with a proud look. Humility fosters a welcoming demeanor, enabling us as men to fit into any environment to both serve and be served, ultimately earning great honor.

The adage “A tree doesn’t make a forest” and the biblical notion that unless a wheat of corn dies, it abides alone (John 12 vs 24) emphasize the importance of overcoming high thinking and self-sufficiency. By doing so, men become open to recognizing the supportive people placed in their lives, building a strong heritage and community for future generations. Humility is crucial for seeking help from trusted men, especially in facing challenges that may lead to destructive behaviors if left unaddressed.

In various communities, including the black community, individuals may succumb to challenges instead of seeking help. Pride, which can manifest in shame, hindering one from asking for assistance, is one to be addressed quickly when noticed; this means we must assess ourselves and recognize the root of our pride. Drawing inspiration from Jesus Christ, who despite being the Son of God despised the shame, went through the cross, interacted with sinners, and cultivated disciples to fulfill his ministry: this shows humility is a virtue every man must possess as it is a fruit of the spirit of God. This virtue facilitates meaningful connections and relationships with individuals of value, both on higher and lower pedestals in life, bridging the gap of insufficiency and equipping individuals to handle life’s challenges effectively.

In conclusion, this underscores that humility is not a sign of weakness but a virtue indispensable for meaningful connections and relationships. In the tapestry of life, humility emerges as the thread that weaves together men of different pedestals, skills, and knowledge and bridges the gap of insufficiency, equipping them to navigate life’s challenges together and effectively. It is a call to embrace humility not only as a personal attribute but as a societal ethos that contributes to the flourishing legacy of men who have withstood hard times, navigating it by seeking the hand of fellow men and creating a safe space for younger generations to look upon.

The Essential Roles of Fathers in Raising Responsible Men

The assurance that comes with knowing one has a father is always encompassing. This can be observed most often in the way children, both males and females, feel secure in a place when they can see their father present. Moreover, the guarantee that a male child will be well-nurtured and developed into a mature adult is almost certain if the role of a father is prominent during his formative and youthful days.

From the aforementioned, it is evident that the role of a father is undeniably crucial and should not be underestimated. In this discussion, let’s consider five key roles a father plays in maturing a male child into a responsible man and eventually a good father:

1. Vision Casting

2. Diligence

3. Discipline

4. Love

5. Godliness

  • Vision Casting: The extent to which one will succeed in life and the commitment to living a fulfilling life often depend on having a clear vision. A father plays a vital role in helping his offspring lead a purpose-driven life by setting an example through his own actions and choices.
  • Diligence: A father’s commitment to his family becomes palpable over time, and his dedication is something that both his family and others can easily perceive. This dedication is demonstrated through the lengths he goes to for his family, the sacrifices he is willing to make, and his strong work ethic in ensuring his family thrives. The way a father provides for his family serves as a valuable lesson for his children, teaching them that a responsible man should not be idle in order to provide for his loved ones.
  • Discipline: Discipline is a key factor in determining whether one will lead a fulfilled life or not. A father who lives a disciplined life can effectively guide his children to lead disciplined lives as well, as they can witness firsthand what it means to exercise self-control. Children will also learn the importance of avoiding social vices, resisting peer pressure, and making choices that will positively impact their lives.
  • Love: A child who feels their father’s love at home does not need to seek validation from others to lead a life aligned with their values and beliefs. A father is expected to love his children, ensuring that they do not feel the need to seek love at any cost. Discipline should be administered with love, and communication should be rooted in love. When this approach is taken, children will feel comfortable opening up to their father when facing challenges and seeking guidance.
  • Godliness: The foundation for living a purposeful life lies in being godly and having a reverence for God. A father is expected to set an example of godliness for his children, as it helps them live lives characterized by integrity and faithfulness. Children who uphold these values will not bring shame to their parents.

In conclusion, the role of a father in shaping godly men cannot be overstated. Fatherhood is a significant influence on a child’s development and eventual character.

The Impact of Failed Fatherhood in Our Society

“For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons blasphemed God, and he failed to restrain them. (Samuel 3:13, NIV)”

Failed fatherhood is a theme that transcends time, seen both in biblical tales and in today’s communities. By examining the story of Eli and his sons, we can draw parallels between ancient lessons and modern realities.

The Tale of Eli’s Failed Fatherhood

Eli, a priest and judge in ancient Israel, struggled with failed fatherhood. His sons, Hophni and Phinehas, priests like their father, veered into sin. Despite knowing of their transgressions, Eli didn’t correct them. This failure led to severe consequences.

Eli’s story is a poignant example of how parental neglect can have lasting repercussions. He knew of his sons’ wrongdoing but failed to take the necessary corrective actions. This ancient tale serves as a stark reminder that the consequences of failed fatherhood can be far-reaching.

Consequences Echoed in Society

Failed fatherhood’s impact isn’t confined to the Bible. In modern communities, it can lead to a host of societal issues. The absence of responsible father figures can result in increased crime rates, educational challenges, economic hardship, and emotional turmoil for children.

Children growing up without proper paternal guidance may lack the necessary support and structure in their lives. This void can contribute to a sense of aimlessness and vulnerability, often leading to involvement in delinquent activities.

Moreover, failed fatherhood can exacerbate economic disparities. Single-parent households, often led by mothers, may struggle to make ends meet, perpetuating cycles of poverty.

Lessons from Eli’s Story

Eli’s story teaches us the importance of moral guidance and discipline provided by fathers. It shows how failed fatherhood affects not only individual families but entire communities, often persisting through generations. Eli’s inaction in the face of his sons’ misdeeds resulted in divine judgment, highlighting the gravity of parental neglect.

Nurturing Responsible Fatherhood

Addressing failed fatherhood requires a concerted effort from society. Community support, educational programs, and initiatives promoting responsible fatherhood are essential components of the solution.

Encouraging fathers to actively engage with their children, guide them, and instil moral values can break the cycle of failed fatherhood. Fathers should be encouraged to participate actively in their children’s lives, providing emotional support, mentorship, and a positive role model.

Conclusion

Eli’s story in the Bible serves as a timeless reminder of the consequences of failed fatherhood. Its lessons apply to modern societies, emphasizing the need for nurturing responsible fatherhood for healthier families and communities.

The impact of failed fatherhood extends far beyond the individual family unit. It permeates society, contributing to a range of challenges that affect us all. Recognizing the significance of responsible fatherhood and taking proactive steps to support and empower fathers is crucial for building a more stable, prosperous, and harmonious society. By learning from the mistakes of the past, we can strive for a brighter future where every child has the opportunity to grow up with the guidance and love of a responsible father figure.

Talks on Fatherhood and Its Benefits

Fatherhood emerges as a profound and transformative journey, yielding numerous benefits to both fathers and their children. While it certainly presents its share of challenges, the rewards of fatherhood are immeasurable.

Once, I was told fatherhood unfolds as an opportunity for personal growth and development, but I never saw it more clearly than now as I keep growing into a man who would one day lead his home. It is basically leading yourself first and then leading others. Embracing this role of self-leadership necessitates that men assume new responsibilities and roles, fostering heightened self-awareness, patience, and maturity, having to let go of the hard side and pick up a new characterization. Fathers frequently undergo a transformation, becoming more compassionate, understanding, and adept at managing their time and priorities. Their motivation to serve as positive role models for their children propels personal advancement across various facets of life. One of the most remarkable merits of fatherhood manifests in the profound emotional bond that crystallizes between fathers and their offspring. This bond evolves through shared experiences, love, and unwavering care. Fathers who actively engage with their children from birth craft enduring connections that significantly contribute to the emotional well-being of their offspring. Studies corroborate that children who benefit from the involvement of their fathers often exhibit heightened self-esteem, improved social skills, and enhanced emotional intelligence.

For example, as a child, I saw my father intentionally build a connection with my brother and me. We played basketball games together, tried out restaurants nearby, cooked together, and also took pictures.

I have also become a keen observer and a natural security expert, which has heightened my intelligence, taking note of body language and glances of people, which has saved me from danger in most cases.

Also, fatherhood reverberates to the broader societal well-being. Fathers play a pivotal role in the socialization and spiritual upbringing of their progeny as authority figures, imparting stability, giving affirmation to what God has spoken about them, and blessing in spiritual strength through prayer to battle the woes in their generation. This involvement diminishes the likelihood of delinquency and behavioural issues in the children’s lives. Extensive research has underscored that children reared with actively engaged fathers tend to excel academically and are at reduced risk of substance abuse or criminal activities.

In addition to these emotional and social benefits, fatherhood confers tangible health advantages. Fathers who partake in regular physical activities with their children typically lead more active and healthier lives. They emerge as exemplars of wholesome living, thereby influencing their children’s lifestyle choices and contributing to the healthiness of future generations. Moreover, studies postulate that engaged fathers are prone to experience lower levels of stress and enjoy superior overall mental well-being.

Financially, fatherhood often catalyzes career advancement and fiscal stability. The responsibility of providing for a family galvanizes fathers to pursue career opportunities with heightened diligence. The aspiration to afford a comfortable life for their children fuels their propensity to make judicious financial decisions and investments, potentially securing long-term fiscal stability. I saw my dad do this for five decades, giving it his all, laying an example for us to follow, studying hard overnight to meet the next position, and it sure did pay off as I have carried on with the same pursuit in life. Hard work and diligence with the work of their hands are part of the core values every father should pass on to their children.

Furthermore, fathers make substantial contributions to the equitable division of labour within households. In the ever-evolving landscape of gender roles, a growing number of fathers are actively participating in childcare and household tasks. This paradigm shift not only nurtures a sense of parity and partnership with their spouses but also empowers women to pursue their careers and personal aspirations.

Over the years, we have heard of the term “Alpha Male,” which has boxed in most men and is characterized by men not being able to clean up, do laundry, or even fix up a meal for their home. But in recent times, men have taken the posture of being comprehensive because that is what the world needs. My dad helped me learn this, which has helped me on the journey of being a comprehensive man.

In today’s diverse and dynamic society, regardless of the family configuration, the benefits of fatherhood remain unwavering, underscoring the significance of a father’s emotional presence and active involvement in their child’s life.

In summation, fatherhood bestows a multitude of advantages that ripple beyond the individual, positively impacting families and society at large. It facilitates personal growth, cultivates emotional bonds, and contributes to the physical well-being of fathers, all the while nurturing the wholesome development of children and the overall welfare of communities. As the roles and expectations of fathers continue to evolve, society increasingly recognizes and celebrates their indispensable contributions to the well-being of their children and the broader community. Fatherhood, with its blend of challenges and joys, emerges as a transformative journey that unequivocally enriches the lives of those who embark upon it.

Self Control: What It Is and Why It Is Necessary!

Stephen Jerubba’al

It has been said that men are difficult to control. While this thought may hold a context of truth, there is also another side to it—humans are not stable under external control. This is one of the reasons why slavery is a dangerous concept when you talk around people or when a person experiences it. Slavery is the state of being controlled by someone or something against your own intentions or will.

On the flip side, while we should deviate from controlling others and choosing to lead them instead, it is important that we learn to control ourselves. A wise man once said, “Internal vigilance is the pride of liberty.” A man without self-control is like a city without walls—scriptures!

What then is self-control?

Self-control is simply defined as the ability or tendency of a person to put himself or herself under control in order to marshal themselves to what is best for them, based on values and principles. For example, when you say you want to stay off carbonated drinks, it is self-control for you when you are able to stay off areas or environments that will entice you to take any carbonated drink.

Hey! There are numerous profits that are associated with being able to control oneself. There are also consequences for not being able to keep yourself in check without external push. A man once said, “I have decided in my mind that I will not set my eyes on any female lustfully”—that’s a step to self-control.

In a world where anything goes, for those who are poised at moving forward and staying off any lifestyle that will complicate their lives, self-control is a necessary skill. We have heard stories of men who end up regretting actions that they could have avoided in the past. The lack of self-control empties lives of meaning!

The benefits of self-control will be evidenced in the near future. This is because the end is always a revealer, as the present is a revealer of the past. The endpoint reveals what a person has been doing with their lives until that time. Basically, self-control is DISCIPLINE in a situation in spite of what or how you feel about it as long as it does not align with your values.

Self-control and godly relationships!

Twitter and several other social media platforms have been littered with several explanations on why men are not able to control themselves. But the climax of this is that no explanation can explain away your inability to control yourself under situations that contradict your values. It will only reveal your laziness!

When it comes to relationships and marriages, there are values and principles that if upheld will lead to thriving relationships. Values around love, purity, truth, discipline, and so on are expected to be seen in godly relationships. However, there are certain situations that may come to threaten those values, and this is where self-control comes in.

Dear men, the fact that you are engaged to be married is not an excuse to have sexual intercourse with her before the wedding night. The fact that your wife is not around is not a reason at all to be unfaithful to your spouse—you may console yourself with an excuse, but failure to be disciplined plus excuses does not mean success.

Conclusion

In clear terms, self-control is possible, and no one is exempted from it. You either control yourself, which is profitable, or be controlled by yourself, fulfilling its desires—certainly, this is destructive in the long run! Cheers to self-control, men! Cheers to a life with meaning!

Overcoming Inferiority Complex

Opeyemi Obidare

I’d like to begin by stating that nobody is born with an inferiority complex. It is a learned behaviour that can be unlearned and overcome. We shape our persona based on our life experiences, interactions with people, and the environment we find ourselves in. It is highly probable that many individuals are walking around with some form of inferiority complex. I must admit that preparing to write this article has given me the opportunity to reflect inwardly and recognize some of my own feelings of inadequacy.

“The denial of a problem does not erase its existence” – Anonymous

An inferiority complex can manifest itself in various behaviours, such as oversensitivity, seeking attention, having a low sense of self-worth, being submissive, pretending to be someone we’re not, overcompensating, developing a false sense of superiority, procrastinating, striving for perfection, and being excessively judgmental of others.

In a world where societal expectations always exist, the inability to meet these standards, whether reasonable or not, can make anyone feel inferior, particularly when they have exerted effort or witnessed others achieving them. This sense of inferiority may eventually evolve into a complex.

At this point, a man who has experienced repeated failures begins to replace “I had a failure” with “I am a failure,” “a missed call” with “I am alone in the world.” It only worsens from there, as thoughts find expression in actions, and the actions resulting from negative thoughts are predictable.

Now that we have established that societal expectations are a significant cause of an inferiority complex, I dare say that no man can excel in everything. There will always be someone who surpasses you in certain areas. Individuals with an inferiority complex tend to compare themselves to the best in a particular field, even though they may be just starting out or have not invested nearly as much time as the top achievers.

Jordan Peterson suggests that, in dealing with an inferiority complex, one should address their most evident shortcomings. Begin with the obstacles that clearly hinder your personal goals, or adjust your goals to align with your capabilities. However, it is important to avoid changing your goals simply because it’s the easier way out. Don’t be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone. You should have a sustainable passion for the goals you choose, or at the very least, enough passion to see them through to fruition.

To summarize, when dealing with an inferiority complex, it is crucial to avoid comparing ourselves to what is considered normal for others. Understand that there can only be one you. Set your own goals based on your values, motivations, and capabilities. Determine your own pace. If you’re dissatisfied with it, take responsibility and make the necessary changes. Adjust your responses, shape your environment, be open, and be honest.

In conclusion, I would like to emphasize that an inferiority complex is an indication that something is amiss. It serves as a sign for you to reevaluate your game plan and make necessary adjustments.

How To Break Free From Inferiority Complex 

Raymond Oluwalola

Growing up, I can think of many moments when I wished I was White, not as a colour but as a race. The world I believed in was from movies (I watched many), made me resent a part of my existence that I was Black, and to make matters worse, that I was Nigerian.

If we are not careful, there is an inferiority complex that may descend upon us earlier on in life and make us resent where we are from, who we were born to, and how we have come to grow up, and the list is endless.

For most of us, these feelings of insecurity and insufficiency (such as being unable to reach an intended goal) are highly situational or occasional. When they arise, we may, for example, brood about them for a time and then move on, deal with them by reminding ourselves that we have other strengths, or use them as motivation to master the underlying problem, says James E. Maddux, PhD, psychologist and author of Subjective Well-Being and Life Satisfaction and coauthor of Psychopathology: Foundations for a Contemporary Understanding.

Complex’ refers to a mental state made up of different emotions, and ideas and is completely different from the ‘feeling of inferiority.’

Feeling inferior is a fleeting feeling and allows you to look beyond your imperfections and strive for growth. It also refers to the state when you say that ‘Had this happened/not happened, I would have achieved this/that.’

Had I thought that since ‘I am a guy from the wrong country or race, I could never be respected or even noticed in society,’ is what can be referred to as an inferiority complex?

These complexities that we suffer from can come in different form and shape like your voice isn’t good enough, your food is tasteless, your cultural background is weird, you are not as civilized as others, not as attractive, not as intelligent, and so on, so forth.

When you give an excuse for not doing something, that’s when you should know that it’s not normal, and need to be worked on. While an inferiority complex blocks you and makes you curse everything around you when the problem is not the environment but ‘You’.

Society may have been psychologically conditioned to make us feel like that – interiorization tactics are mainly used to convince their victims that they are oppressed, but we need to understand that society plays a big part in making us feel inferior. We can break free from this complex. To feel inferior, we do not need to feel worthless, to kill our spirit, or keep us down as well as others around us.

I may have grown up to love who I am now, but it has not always been so. I’m not going to lie and act like the thought of changing my race and culture hasn’t crossed my mind. Most people may not know this is happening, but as they grow, they subliminally suffer from something that may be telling them that something or someone better is out there.

Realize that you are not alone. Apparently, this is a bad place to be, but here is a suggestion, “Give importance to your identity, including your height, weight, skin colour, and features, as well as your thoughts, dreams, family, and knowledge. These elements create you and make you an individual.

Another proven technique that could help is to talk to somebody – seek help and look for a community that can help you grow – don’t sit in idleness and wallow in self-pity, it does not help. Lastly, you can turn to the scriptures, look for and gather words that describe you and how you want to see yourself, and let them be your words of affirmation.

The more you keep reading and meditating on those words, the more you believe them, and the more it redefines how you see and perceive yourself.

In case you need somebody to talk to or need somebody to speak to a group of boys on this topic, you can reach out to us at thebridgehub27@gmail.com.