Honouring Our Fathers

Silas Bamigbola

Many of us saw our fathers as heroes while we were growing up. We honoured them and saw them as the ultimate goal because of their presence, provision, and sacrifices for us. As time goes on, we may realize some inconsistencies that make them less perfect than we thought. Do we still honour and respect them? Seeing our fathers’ imperfections and yet honouring them is a challenge many men face.

One of Noah’s sons, Ham, saw his father’s nakedness and went to tell his brothers. Instead of honouring him and covering it, he made jest of his father. In contrast, Shem and Japheth honoured their father and covered his nakedness. As a result, Ham was cursed. This story teaches a profound lesson about honour and respect (Genesis 9:20-27). It emphasizes the importance of protecting our fathers’ dignity, even when we see their flaws.

Sons who do not know how to honour their fathers will not find it easy to navigate life. Honour is a foundational principle that influences our character and relationships. Ephesians 6:2-3 states, “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—“so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” This commandment underscores the significance of honouring our parents as a cornerstone for a blessed life.

Many of our fathers, even those in the faith, might have some inconsistencies and weaknesses. We must not dishonour them or think we know more than they do. Respecting our fathers does not mean ignoring their faults but recognizing their humanity and the roles they have played in our lives. Proverbs 20:20 warns, “If someone curses their father or mother, their lamp will be snuffed out in pitch darkness.” This verse serves as a stark reminder of the consequences of disrespect.

How to Honour Our Fathers

1. Acknowledge Their Efforts: Appreciate the sacrifices and efforts they have made for your well-being. Express gratitude for the ways they have supported and provided for you.

2. Show Compassion and Understanding: Understand that your father is human and has his own struggles and weaknesses. Show empathy and patience when dealing with his shortcomings.

3. Communicate Respectfully: Speak to your father with respect and kindness, even when you disagree. Constructive communication helps maintain a healthy relationship.

4. Follow Their Guidance: Recognize the wisdom in their experiences and teachings. Even if you choose a different path, value the lessons they have imparted.

5. Support Them in Old Age: Just as they cared for you when you were young, be there for them in their later years. Offer emotional, financial, or physical support as needed.

Honouring our fathers is not about ignoring their flaws but about respecting them despite their imperfections. It is about valuing their role in our lives and upholding the principle of honour that enriches our character and relationships. By doing so, we fulfill a divine commandment and build a legacy of respect and reverence for future generations.

The Power of Honour

In the ancient days of Israel, there was a powerful prophet named Elijah, known for his miraculous deeds and his deep connection with God. Among his followers was a young man named Elisha, who desired more than just to follow in Elijah’s footsteps—he wanted a double portion of Elijah’s spirit. This desire led to one of the most compelling stories of honour in the Bible.

As Elijah’s time on earth drew to a close, Elisha remained steadfast by his side, refusing to leave him even when urged to do so. This unwavering commitment paid off. When Elijah was taken up to heaven in a whirlwind, Elisha received his request, symbolized by the falling of Elijah’s mantle. This story beautifully illustrates the profound impact of honouring those who have gone before us.

In today’s society, the concept of honour seems to be fading. We live in a generation where many people fail to respect and honour those who have paved the way for them. Honour is a fundamental character trait that every person must cultivate. Without it, we miss out on the wisdom and virtues that can only be gleaned through genuine respect and admiration for others.

Elisha’s story is a powerful reminder that if we wish to receive wisdom and virtue from others, we must learn to honour them and what they carry. Honour is not just about respect; it’s about recognizing the value in others and the contributions they have made to our lives and society.

Consider the words of Proverbs 15:33: “The fear of the Lord is instruction in wisdom, and humility comes before honour.” This verse highlights the relationship between humility and honour. To truly honour someone, we must humble ourselves, recognizing that we have something to learn from them.

Another pertinent scripture is Romans 12:10, which says, “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honour.” This verse encourages us to go beyond mere respect; we should actively seek to honour others more than they honour us.

Reflecting on the story of Elijah and Elisha, we see that Elisha’s honour for Elijah was not merely verbal but demonstrated through his actions. He followed Elijah to the very end, showcasing a commitment that went beyond words. This act of honour resulted in Elisha receiving a double portion of Elijah’s anointing, a tangible reward for his unwavering respect and dedication.

In our own lives, if we wish to grow and receive wisdom from those around us, we must adopt a similar attitude. Honour is the gateway to learning and receiving. When we honour others, we open ourselves up to receive the wealth of knowledge and experience they have to offer.

Honour is a vital attribute that we must cultivate. It goes beyond mere respect to a deeper appreciation and recognition of others’ worth and contributions. By honouring those who have gone before us, like Elisha did with Elijah, we position ourselves to receive greater wisdom and virtues. Let us strive to outdo one another in showing honour, embracing humility, and recognizing the value in everyone around us.

SHAME AND GUILT By Silas Bamigbola

So on a stopover in Minna, I saw a Mallam who sells wristwatches and I thought of buying one since it’s been a while since I used a wristwatch and I thought it’d be much required now since I was going for a camp. I bought it and I was very glad I did. But some moments later I began to regret and berate myself for buying it. Not because it was a bad wristwatch, but because there is a pattern in my subconscious I must deal with it. And that’s shame and guilt. I know because I have taken time to discover the root cause of that feeling.

I felt I didn’t make the right financial decision to buy a wristwatch. I was ashamed about a decision I made. Sometimes when I spend my money on things even necessary or take certain decisions, I feel this way. By continual practise of these bad habits, they have become a pattern.

That feeling that you will be embarrassed or of impostor syndrome. I even noticed one of the reasons I don’t make many friends is partly because of the fear of putting myself out there, of being embarrassed or ashamed or being exposed that I’m not that great after all and the truth is I’m a great guy.

Guilt is an emotion you feel badly because of a specific event or thing, for something you did or didn’t do. Guilt says I’m wrong. While shame is the feeling that you are wrong, it’s an overarching emotion that drapes you so that you even feel worthless.

Instead of shame, you will get a double portion; instead of humiliation, they will rejoice over the land they receive. Yes, they will possess a double portion in their land and experience lasting joy.
Isaiah 61:7 NET

How then do one overcome shame and guilt? I feel society and most especially the church hasn’t done more to help us to handle shame and guilt well. That’s why when people sin or err, they tend to cover it up. Which only makes things worse and deteriorates. We spiral down onto the messy depth of shame and guilt in our presumptuous act of trying to hide or tuck in what makes us feel unworthy and dirty.

You must take on the responsibility with the help of God to trace where the guilt and shame stem from so that you can deal with them well. You do this by looking inward and your thoughts patterns and the conversations you have in your head. Learn to silence the noise of the devil that’s condemning you. You do this perfectly by renewing your mind with the word of God and by investing the right information in your mind.

The way to deal with shame and guilt is to with your full chest take responsibility, come out and own up to what is up.
The Petri dish on which shame and disgrace grow is secrecy. That’s why you must not hide or cover up things you have done. Bring it to the light. That’s the way you can rout shame and guilt.

So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.
Romans 8:1 NLT

You can’t overcome lust or any other addictions alone and in secret, speak out to people you can trust. Don’t cover up the pregnancy by abortion. Don’t keep to yourself because of first-meet anxiety that makes you feel you might be embarrassed, put yourself out. Don’t be afraid to take action because of low self-esteem or the fear of taking daring steps God has called you to take. You won’t be put to shame or disgrace if you try that new thing out.

Shame and guilt are darkness, there’s a way the light of God makes them disappear. You win through the help of Jesus’ name!